If you’ve binge watched Love Life on BBC iPlayer, then the title of my newsletter will make complete sense to you.
If not, here’s the lowdown: Love Life is a 10-part anthology that explores the dating history of Darby Carter (played by Anna Kendrick) as she muddles through her 20s and early 30s while living in New York. Each episode is named after a different character, profiling every type of romantic encounter you could imagine - first love, one night stands, short-lived flings, and even marriage. The finale is when we discover who Darby ends up with, or as the narrator describes it - finding ‘her person’.
It’s a smart and relatable watch, portraying dizzying moments like waiting for that guy to text, the awkwardness of your first kiss with someone new, the thrill of sitting next to your crush with your knees gently touching, or the stomach churning horror of bumping into your ex.
And yet, there’s a distinct lack of those whimsical, fluffy rom-com tropes that you might expect from this type of show. Instead, it exposes the complexities of our relationships, including the one we ultimately have with ourself.
It got me thinking about my own rollercoaster of a love life. So this week, I thought I’d take a lighthearted look at a few of my more memorable crushes and encounters, right from my university days up to #Lockdown2020.
So here it is, my episode by episode guide. Enjoy!
The too good to be true person
I’m the girl who skipped lectures one time to travel up to Edinburgh and queue overnight to meet Westlife in a record store. I loved my boy bands during uni, heck - I still do! So you can imagine my reaction when a blonde, spiky-haired boy with ripped jeans - and an Irish accent - suddenly appeared during my monotonous shift at River Island one weekend. I was smitten. Everybody at work knew I liked him and it was only a matter of time until something happened.
We ‘seen’ each other for about a month or so, but he was full of excuses. He kept saying he had no money to do things with me, and when I walked into a local cafe one day to see him nestled in the corner, hugging a cup of coffee and sitting with another girl, that was the final straw. Working together was incredibly awkward afterwards (I’d glare at him across the clothes rails a lot) and this was the first, but certainly not the last time I swore I’d never get involved with a work colleague again.
I’m going to gloss over the fact that, later that semester, when he was searching for a new student let, he ended up viewing my house with his mates…and I still had photos of us both blue-tacked to my bedroom wall. 😐
The fate keeps bringing us together person
The student radio station was one of my favourite extracurricular activities while at uni, and in my final year, we did a series of pop up events during fresher’s week, including a DJ spot at Castle Leazes halls of residence. I tagged along, of course, looking to re-live the fresher’s experience all over again.
I was queuing for a drink at the bar which was about 10-people deep (jeez, remember those days?!) and the guy I was sandwiched next to started chatting to me. He had the most mesmerising sparkly eyes, and oozed charisma and confidence, but not in a cocky way. I’ve never been so thankful for such a long wait at the bar in my life! We said goodbye after finally ordering our drinks, and I spent the following few weeks daydreaming about bumping into him again.
Annoyingly, my best friend kept seeing him around campus, but I didn’t have that much luck. Then, a couple of months later while in a club called Ikon - sporting my stylish student radio t-shirt with my name brandished on the reverse - I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was him! We danced, kissed and ended up swapping numbers that night.
Tumbleweed followed.
I saw him again some two years later while out in town, and it turned out, he was living just one street away from me in Jesmond. We stumbled home together at 3am, chatting about all sorts, with him giving me a piggyback most of the way (thank you, high heels). It was your classic rom-com ‘something’s gonna happen here’ scene. But again, nothing progressed beyond that night.
I last saw him jaunting along the bottom of my street in his joggers one morning, carrying a carton of milk. 🚶
The ‘it’s complicated’ person
This was a guy I sat next to at work, and he was part of my close friendship circle. We would tease each other all the time and chat for hours on MSN once we got home. The hazy days of the mid-noughties, eh?
It went like this; he liked me, but I didn’t like him. Then I liked him, but he didn’t like me. And then we had this ongoing ‘thing’ between us for the best part of two years, where we didn’t actually date but we kept falling out with each other.
My feelings for him definitely crept up on me unexpectedly, and in all honesty, this one still confuses me. What I learnt is that, sometimes, it’s all about timing. ⏰
The person who wasn’t ‘my person’
This one ticks a lot of boxes for me. My first proper relationship. My first love. And the first time I could picture myself getting married someday.
It was almost like a textbook love story. We met through a mutual friend and there was an instant, intoxicating attraction. Everything was so effortless, and we were Facebook official a matter of weeks after our first date. He was caring, outgoing, and made me laugh pretty much every day.
But, despite all this, our spark dimmed over time, and after almost eight years together, I finally understood the meaning of ‘sometimes love isn’t enough’. We broke up the day after we returned home from our summer holiday in the magical French Riviera, and my fairytale ended. 💔
The person who was already taken
This was the first guy I properly liked following my break up - an electrifying jolt that reminded me it was possible to have those kind of feelings again.
Good-looking, flirtatious, and fun to be around, I had butterflies every time I was in his company.
But he had a girlfriend.
Frustratingly, there had been mixed signals on both sides for a number of months, and we ended up having ‘the chat’ to establish boundaries. It was crushing, and I’m sure someone clued up on psychology will tell me there’s some deep reasoning behind me falling for a guy that was completely unavailable. My feelings did fade over time though, and we’ve since managed to make the friendship thing work. 👍
The person who was 10 years younger
I don’t feel like a typical 37-year-old and haven’t hit those key milestones society imposes on us - you know, the husband, kids and mortgage trio. Most of my friends are younger than me too, and I always seem to be attracted to younger guys (my ex was four years younger, for instance). So setting my dating app parameters wide is fairly logical to me.
This was one of the very few times I’ve matched with a guy on an app and actually felt a spark translate from our messages into real life. We arranged to go for a drink and I remember him strolling towards me as I squinted in the sunshine, trying to make out his blonde hair and blue eyes (sound familiar?) - realising he was a classic throwback to ‘my type’ from my early 20s.
The date was good fun and I barely noticed the 10-year age gap. We continued to message every day and I felt like I could tell him anything and everything about myself. But he just wasn’t into me. We’re still friends now, and I’ll happily take that. ⏳
The we’ve crossed paths before person
Another one from my dating app files, but the difference here is that we had worked in different departments within the same company more than a decade earlier, so we already knew of each other, although had never actually spoken IRL.
We met for a swift drink after work one evening. He was heading off to an awards do later that night and was dressed in a tux. Maybe I was lured in by his suave attire (who doesn’t look good in a suit?) but I thought the date went well. The conversation came easy, and having that little bit of history to latch on to seemed to help.
But he was ridiculously flaky when it came to messaging. I couldn’t get any flirty banter on the go as it would take him at least 24 hours to respond to anything I sent. We arranged a second date but he was MIA for an entire week, so I text him and said to forget it. He apologised, explaining how work had been busy and that he had been ‘researching’ what we could do. Oh, and casually dropped in that a girl he knew had confessed she had feelings for him, so he was confused. This ambiguity was all the certainty I needed to walk away. ❌
The lockdown person
Bringing my mini-series up to date, this was a guy I matched with on Bumble back in April, a few weeks after the national lockdown flipped all our lives upside down. We did virtual dates over a few rums, and played snakes and ladders and hangman. This progressed to social distanced dates over the summer once the restrictions eased, with short walks in the park and outdoor drinks.
He was nice, but I had that ongoing niggle and felt like we were a mis-match. Part of me thinks that we both just needed a crutch during such a difficult time, and had things been normal, we probably wouldn’t have stuck it out for as long as we did. My lesson here was: always trust your gut. 🏠
My person
I haven’t reached my finale yet, which means I don’t have ‘the person’ to share with you as I haven’t met them.
As I said earlier, Love Life avoids the standard cliches, but it does still buy into the notion that there is someone out there for all of us, and I don’t know if I’m entirely convinced by that.
For the time-being, my person is me. And - to paraphrase the show’s narrator again - I’m going to distract myself just like Darby, by accidentally living my life. 🍸
October 6 - 12 mixtape
Quote of the week
This was shared by Arianna Huffington over on LinkedIn, and it really jumped out at me. Why does self-care never feel like a personal priority?
Tweet of the week
Enough said, really.
Album of the week
I discovered Canadian singer Lennon Stella via someone’s Instagram story last week. Her album, ‘Three. Two. One.’ is enchantingly serene and I’ve been listening to it on loop the past few days. My favourite tracks are Kissing Other People, Much Too Much, and Goodnight. Utterly beautiful.
Until next Monday
Alexis 💕
www.alexisforsyth.com
Catch up on my past issues…
Sleeping beauty? Only in my dreams