I’m writing this week’s newsletter from my hometown of Stirling, while my niece shouts ‘apple’ and points at my Macbook, devilishly looking at the lit-up keyboard as if it’s her next plaything.
It’s the first time I’ve been home since Christmas of last year, which is the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing my mum face-to-face. And now, three days in, it feels like I’ve never been away.
There’s something about stepping into my old bedroom, seeing Secret Bear with his heart-shaped nose rested in one corner, Humpty Dumpty with his eyes missing, sat in the other, and a fairy-like lace canopy draped over my single bed. My room remains unchanged since I moved out at the age of 18, although it feels like the room of a girl much younger thanks to porcelain ballerina dolls, high school photos and my collection of hedgehog ornaments still dotted along the window sill.
I love being at home though.
It’s next level comfort – a feeling I can’t quite emulate in my own flat back in Newcastle. For a fleeting few days, I don’t even feel like an adult; it’s like I’ve been reacquainted with my teenage self. My mum proper spoils me too, stocking up on biscuits and treats, and cooking me favourites like mince and potatoes.
Whenever I’ve been going through a tough spell – be it a redundancy, break up, or just stuck in a bit of a rut - I always end up retreating here, and it was the one place I wanted to be during lockdown but, obviously, couldn’t.
Although I’ve been calling my mum almost every day since lockdown began, it’s not the same as chatting in person. My mum doesn’t have broadband or a smartphone, so we haven’t been able to video chat, and this means she hasn’t had access to the updates I’ve been sharing on Instagram or Facebook. So this weekend, I’ve been properly filling her in on 8 months’ worth of life updates, and helping to put faces to all the names I’ve mentioned over the phone.
On Saturday, we went for a 5-mile walk into the city centre, like we used to when I was young.
We explored Stirling Castle’s grounds and the historic buildings that lead up to the esplanade, and admired views of the Wallace Monument perched on the outcrop of the Abbey Craig in the distance. It reminded me just how beautiful Stirling is; something I didn’t appreciate as a youngster when I was eager to move away and seek out a more interesting ‘cosmopolitan’ lifestyle. Whatever that is.
I’d say that nostalgia has hit me hard this weekend.
Re-discovering my old life over the past few days has helped me to take a step back from my new life in Newcastle, and put all those niggling negative thoughts and doubts into perspective.
My mum doesn’t hold back either when it comes to her advice. She’s told me some things I didn’t want to hear this weekend (but which I already knew deep down) and reminded me that I need to trust my gut more. As she puts it, I need to ‘stop being so nice and making an effort with the wrong people’.
Story of my life.
Secretly, I always like to think my mum is way off the mark with these things, but annoyingly, she’s almost always right. How do mums do that?!
And so, as I head back to Newcastle and slot back into my daily routine – a mish mash of working from home, newsletter writing, pausing my dating profiles for the umpteenth time, mastering the art of putting on my polka dot face mask on the Metro platform in a hurry, and feeling dazed by all the QR codes and apps I need to download to drink or eat out - I feel like I am returning to my grown up life with a new ‘I’m-taking-no-more-sh*t’ outlook.
Home really is the best tonic. Especially when we didn’t even know that it’s what we needed all along.
August 25 - 31 mixtape
Quote of the week
This week’s words of wisdom are brought to you by TV presenter Jake Humphrey - a welcome reminder that we all need to be kinder to ourselves:
Newsletter of the week
This week, I want to share a newsletter I’m subscribed to, penned by the fabulous Ellen Forster, a freelance copywriter who runs Content by the Sea here in the North East. I look forward to opening her newsletter every week, which focuses on freelance life and mental health, as it’s so candid and relatable. A bit like having a coffee with a good friend. Go check it out!