For this week’s newsletter, I was planning on sharing my experience of returning to the office last Tuesday.
How it felt to step onto a near-empty Metro train, diligently pacing my breath underneath my polka dot mask while my glasses steamed up. Of being reunited with Newcastle and its glorious cityscape of bridges. Of tucking into my favourite lunchtime treat - a Greggs sausage roll - with flakes of pastry tangled in my hair. And the comfort of saying a brief hello to my pre-lockdown life again.
But then on Wednesday I signed up to a dating webinar and figured you’d be far more interested in that. Because let’s be honest, we’re all curious when it comes to other people’s love lives, aren’t we? 👀
The webinar was hosted by Matthew Hussey, a dating expert, life coach, and author of Get the Guy. A bit like those ASOS adverts that chase me around online - his quotes, videos and blog posts pepper my social media feeds with inspo that always seems to directly relate to my current situation. (Another one of those ‘my phone is listening to me’ moments, perhaps?!)
Some people might find the idea of attending a dating webinar a little cringe. But I think it helps to see things from a different, unbiased perspective. There’s only so many times I can subject my nearest and dearest to my dating woes. More often than not though, it’s the reality check I need to validate what I was already thinking (aka already in denial about).
What I like about Matthew Hussey’s advice is that it’s not just about dating. His tips relate to self-confidence, personal development, and getting what you want from life, which might have nothing at all to do with ‘getting the guy’.
I ended up with four pages of scribbled notes, the most I’ve written in a long time! And so I thought I’d share with you three of my top takeaways from the session, which might resonate with you this Monday morning, too.
We have to get to the real. I’m as guilty as the next person for only sharing the best, edited highlights from my day-to-day life, not to mention the most flattering filtered selfies. But it all gets a bit unauthentic and forgettable. As Matthew says, it’s the nuanced, unique and imperfect qualities we possess that will always make us stand out for the right reasons.
You are the asset, so invest in yourself and choose your own narrative. I think investing in yourself can be as simple as taking up a new skill or hobby - something that’s personally fulfilling. For me, writing is my happy place and a chance to be creative. More importantly, it stops me from falling into a social media rabbit hole (anyone else refresh their apps on repeat?). Plus it’s something interesting to talk about when I do make it out on a date!
Watch what someone does, not what they say. I have wasted SO much time over the years trying to unpick text messages and conversations. In reality, I should have been scrutinising the person’s behaviour instead. I have countless examples of this – a guy ghosting me the entire week before our date (but saying he ‘intended’ to text me the night before, as he had been researching what we could do), being too busy to meet up for that second drink (but sharing nights out with his mates on Insta stories)…the list goes on. I need to learn to trust my gut feeling more.
There were lots of other great insights from this webinar – too many to share here. I felt so re-energised and focused afterwards - it was a bit like doing a workout, but for my mind. I now have a notebook full of ideas I can apply to my dating life, career, and friendships, so expect further anecdotes in future newsletters!
But high-profile dating gurus aside, what’s the one nugget of wisdom that I’ve gleaned from the past four years of being single, you may be wondering? It’s pretty simple, really.
Be me.
Something that Miss Taylor Swift more eloquently and melodically expresses below 🎶
I may have had very little luck so far, but if and when I do meet a guy that likes me - just as I am - and I like them, I firmly believe there won’t be any strategy, ambiguity or uncertainty at play.
Because, like anything in life, if you really want something and it feels right – you’ll always go for it. No matter what.
July 28 - August 3 mixtape
Ad of the week
It’s only apt that I mention this ad campaign promoting dating app Bumble. I’m unsure when it went live but it first caught my eye on LinkedIn a few days ago. It features lines like ‘you can tell the grandkids you met when kissing was illegal’ and ‘might as well add falling in love to the list of mad things that happened in 2020’. It perfectly captures that sentiment of a thoroughly modern day love story. (Yep, I’m a hopeless romantic!)
Quote of the week
This week’s quote comes from Steven Bartlett, founder and CEO of Social Chain. He said, “If you want to change your future, change your present.” It’s a simple concept but one that we probably forget all too often. I, for sure, get fixated on ‘thinking’ about what I want to achieve, but don’t always take the actions required now to make those things actually happen. So the message is: do!
Instagram of the week
If dramatic lightning strikes, the aurora, sunsets, and supermoons are your thing – and a few fluffy snowy owls – I recommend @skstormchaser on Instagram. The account is run by storm and landscape photographer (now there’s a job title!) Craig Boehm, based in Saskatchewan. Well worth a follow!