I turned 37 last week. How did that even happen? 🎉🎈
For some people, birthdays are just another day and nothing to really shout about unless it’s a milestone like a 30th. But as a July baby, it’s a big deal for me. It doubles up as my summer break and I usually book the whole week off work to enjoy a Geordie staycation with my mum. It’s always lots of fun. And sunny.
Over the past few weeks, memories of birthday celebrations gone by had been popping up on my Facebook page. Ladies Day at Newcastle Racecourse, strolls along the beach in Tynemouth, pina coladas on the Quayside, sitting on a vintage tram at Beamish, and even camping at the F1 British Grand Prix, and bobsleighing while on a hen do in Prague. Plenty of good times to pore over.
But, on my birthday eve, I felt completely deflated by the thought of waking up alone the next day, and I broke down in tears.
Those tears weren’t just about my birthday and reflecting on the missing parts from my life; it was a tempestuous swirl of emotions from the past four months finally surfacing - from dealing with the relentless solitude, to the anxiety I now feel at stepping back into this new norm we all find ourselves in. I’m sure that, like anyone else who has experienced a 2020 birthday in lockdown will agree, it’s a strange and emotionally charged occasion, whatever your personal circumstances.
As it happens, my birthday was a wonderful day.
I enjoyed a couple of rhubarb and ginger gins, danced around to Dua Lipa in my bedroom, and received lots of lovely messages from friends and colleagues. I also had a good natter with my mum up in Scotland, and visited my sister, who also lives here in Newcastle.
Balloons bobbing around the living room and a Connie the Caterpillar cake decorated in pink Smarties awaited me. It was such a lovely surprise. My adorable niece, however, wasn’t in a celebratory mood and threw a few classic ‘terrible two’ style tantrums. I’ll be holding onto that ‘remember-when-you-were-a-little-devil-on-my-birthday’ story for when she’s older!
The day was a low-key affair compared to my usual frivolities, but it felt all the more special for it. It reminded me of birthdays from my childhood, shyly posing for Polaroid photos while blowing out my candles. And similar to many other poignant moments during lockdown, I found a new appreciation for the simple things, and the value of being surrounded by the people I care about and love.
For me, a birthday is a bit like New Year’s Day – a chance to press the reset button and figure out what I want over the next 12 months. I’ll admit; I haven’t quite got everything I would have hoped for as a 37-year-old. But, after my little blub, I realised that I’m lucky for what I do have, and if any of those missing pieces come along before my 38th birthday, they’ll just be a bonus.
In the meantime, where’s the rest of my cake?! 🎂
July 20-27 mixtape
Quote of the week
“The no’s help you grow,” declared Will.i.am on The Voice Kids, as I nodded along in agreement while tucking into my Saturday night staple of chocolate-covered marshmallows. Whatever your age, this absolutely rings true. The no’s - defined by a shattering combination of rejection and disappointment – can feel like the end of the world, almost like your dream has been recklessly pushed over a cliff edge. But, as I’ve discovered, a no will (almost always) set you off on a different, completely unimagined path instead – a better one at that, too.
Surprise of the week
Taylor Swift unexpectedly dropped her eighth studio album, Folklore, on Friday. I wouldn’t say I’m a Swiftie, but Taylor is up there on my list of girl crushes! Her songwriting is brutally honest and mesmerising, and I’ve watched her Reputation concert on Netflix three times over already. Taylor’s new album is exquisitely atmospheric, with such beautiful melodies. It really captures that contemplative, soul-searching mood we’ve all been experiencing of late. Go listen!
Obsession of the week
I hate to admit it, but Instagram influences what I buy. I once bought a rose gold watch after Made in Chelsea’s Louise Thompson sported one on her feed. This time, I’ve fallen for the tiered smock dress after seeing a lifestyle blogger sharing a mirror selfie from inside her uber-stylish New York apartment. I spent hours trawling websites for something similar and found a lovely pastel pink one on Missguided. It arrives today so you never know; I might be sharing my very own OOTD post on my Insta stories very soon - just not from such a glamorous sky-high setting!