Rejection hurts. A lot.
Whether it’s a job, an opportunity, or a person you like – rejection can come in many guises. And the truth is, it never gets any easier.
It always feels personal. An enveloping black hole of inadequacy, of being told in no uncertain terms that you’re not good enough, of feeling unwanted, and of thinking to yourself, what’s wrong with me?
It’s not just about the ‘thing’ itself that you want; it’s all the possibilities attached to it and how you, rightly or wrongly, perceive it could transform your life.
That ‘no’ you were so fearful of hearing out loud crushes all those twinkling, promising dreams inside your head in an instant, reminding you that actually, it’s not your turn…yet.
The world of work
One of my all-time low points was when I was made redundant from my PR role eight years ago and then remained unemployed for four months. My self-confidence eroded away with each failed job application (if I was even lucky to receive a response) and I began to feel completely worthless, both professionally and personally.
I kept making it down to the final two or three candidates, but was always pipped by someone with more relevant experience.
The worst feedback I received was for an editorial role, to run a department store’s in-house publication. Apparently, I didn’t come across as though I ‘wanted the job enough’. I remember thinking, how do I even fix that kind of observation about my personality, demeanour or however else they had determined that blistering criticism?
I soon became desensitised to the rejections I received. And so when I was eventually successful in landing a job, the surprise, happiness and relief was indescribable.
Ever since then, if I’m having a bad day at work, I just replay that sequence of events in my head, and remind myself how lucky I am to be employed in the first place. It’s always a sobering reality check.
The world of dating
This weekend, one of my close friends text some lovely words of support, saying how she admires me for putting myself out there when it comes to guys, and how it takes a lot of courage to do that.
I tend to underrate this. I get so caught up in the aftermath of the rejection, that I forget about the actions that led up to it, when I had thought to myself, what the hell - let’s just go for it and see what happens.
Taking control of a situation can actually be quite a liberating experience though.
An example I always go back to time and time again (sorry if you’ve read this story already!) is when I gave a Christmas card to ‘Metro guy’ – a guy I had liked for over six months from my daily Metro commute. Inside, I wished him a Merry Christmas and asked if he’d like to go for a drink, and scribbled down my mobile number.
I was a nervous wreck approaching him in the station and presenting him with the card, having only ever made eye contact with him before. To make matters worse, he had his headphones in, so didn’t hear me saying Merry Christmas to catch his attention, so I had to repeat myself in front of lots of harassed festive commuters. Awkward doesn’t even cut it.
He text me the next day to simply thank me for the card, nothing else, and then when I next saw him on the platform a few days later, I smiled and he completely ignored me and turned the other way. It wasn’t quite the shiny happy ending the rom-coms all promise, and in all honesty, I felt very foolish. I ended up switching carriages to ensure we didn’t cross paths again - out of sight and all that.
Looking back, I’m still glad that I did it though, as it put an end to that flawed romanticised narrative in my head. And it made me realise that I’m capable of taking risks.
I don’t go around handing out Christmas cards to all my crushes, by the way! But every time I do put myself out there, I always vow to never do it again. Yet, somehow, I always do.
I guess I’d rather deal with the short sharp pain of rejection than be left with that hollow feeling of ‘what if’.
The eternal optimist
What I’ve discovered is that you have to keep taking chances in your life and remain hopeful that eventually you’ll get whatever it is you want.
Rejection is an unavoidable part of that journey and, in some bittersweet way, it means you’ll value that ‘yes’ when it does come along.
As you may have gathered, I’m in a pensive mood, swallowed up by one of those murky black holes. I’ve been feeling reluctant about sharing this newsletter while my emotions are so raw, but it’s really helped me to process my thoughts and remind me of all the other occasions when I’ve been rejected, but got over it.
So, if like me, you’re contending with another rejection right now - maybe you haven’t been shortlisted for what you *think* is your dream job, or that guy you really like just wants to stay friends – accept you’re going to feel hurt about it today and then, tomorrow, move on.
All it really means is that we need to be more patient, and there is something or someone else better waiting for us who will truly see and appreciate all the amazing things we have to offer.
Never stop taking chances, because that’s what brings us all closer to fulfilling our dreams, and that can only ever be a good thing.
September 1 - 8 mixtape
Quote of the week
I spotted this week’s quote on Twitter, from freelance marketing and events consultant Katy Tate, and it seems apt, as it highlights that it’s not just about taking a chance as I’ve discussed above, but it’s also about working hard to make good things happen, too.
Series of the week
Yep, I’m late to the party with this one, but I finally binged all three series of Selling Sunset on Netflix, which follows a group of real estate brokers in glitzy LA. It’s highly addictive and proof that sunshine, glamour, wealth and fancy houses with infinity pools don’t automatically make for a perfectly glossy, drama-free life!