I blame Disney for my obsession with ever afters; the idea that a relationship could - and should - last forever. It’s almost always the yardstick of true happiness and nothing else seems to compare.
A relationship that falls short of til death do us part is perceived as wasted time. A failure. Something to be swiftly deleted from your Instagram grid and forgotten. And that’s a real shame.
An anthology of short stories can be just as satisfying and memorable as a novel, so why can’t that apply to our love lives, too? Every romantic encounter deserves recognition, no matter how long it lasts.
Some relationships come with a clear expiry date from the get-go. Maybe there’s a few flickering red flags or unavoidable incompatibility issues, but either way, you instinctively know this guy isn’t going to be boyfriend or, ultimately, husband material. Yet, you’re still curious and something about him piques your interest.
Should you move on straight away? Or should you embrace the limited shelf life on offer, focus on all the positive things this person could bring to your life, and make the most of your time together?
Someone recently told me that I ‘create movies in my head’ and I have to agree. I’d rather daydream about something that probably won’t ever happen than live in my day-to-day reality.
My mind often runs away with itself, especially when I’m wrapped up in the excitement of dating a new guy. I imagine all the possibilities of our future together and all the perfect moments we could share.
Rose-tinted glasses. To. The. Max.
I’m so caught up in who future-me will meet, what she’ll accomplish, how she’ll feel, and what her life will look like, that I forget about the girl who woke up this morning. The one that slept in again, ran out of milk and gorged on a handful of dry Frosties straight from the cereal box. She definitely needs a bit of TLC right now.
By sweeping myself away into this dream world where ‘forever’ is the end goal, I’ve neglected my current wants and needs and failed to appreciate that fulfilment can come in short-term packages, too.
Something doesn’t need to be long-lasting for it to be worthwhile.
The way I see it, fleeting romances are like cocktails that come in chic martini glasses. They’re attractive concoctions and incredibly potent, and you can’t resist ordering one.
Exhilarating and alluring in equal measure, brief relationships are enjoyable if you see them for what they truly are; short and sweet.
Après lockdown, I’d say my outlook has shifted.
I’ve indulged in a summer of spontaneity and focused on making myself happy in the here and now. I’ve also made some impulsive decisions in my dating life that have been completely out of character for me (and have faced the wrath of my mum along the way!).
Over the last six months, my heart, curiosity and desires have all ruled my decision-making, and at times, this has felt reckless. As a 30-something, I’m expected to lead a sensible life and always make the ‘right’ choices. But playing by the rules all the time can feel like I’m stuck in a permanent state of FOMO - and where’s the fun in that?
Going back to my original question - I choose now, not forever. Because even relationships with a tantalising glimmer of an ever after can crash and burn unexpectedly. We never know if, how, or when something will suddenly end. So why should we only hold out for a relationship that promises longevity?
That’s why I’m trying to prioritise my happiness day by day and not look too far ahead into the future. No more crystal balls!
A magical happily ever after might never happen for me anyway, and that’s okay, as I want to fully immerse myself in every twist and turn of the plotline instead. That’s far more exciting than any Disney fairytale finale.
September 13 mixtape
Quote
I spotted this quote from Mandy Hales, author of Don’t Believe the Swipe, on the Self Care Visuals Instagram page and it felt apt to share it in today’s newsletter…
Book
I’m currently reading Conversations on Love by journalist Natasha Lunn, whose newsletter of the same name explores love, one interview at a time. Her book looks at how we find love and sustain it, and how we survive when we lose it. With contributions from the likes of Dolly Alderton - this is such an uplifting and relatable read and reminds us all just how fragile love can be.
Shout out
When one of your favourite podcasters gives you a shout out, it really does make your day! A big thank you to Francesca Specter for this mention on her Twitter feed. If you haven’t already - definitely give her Alonement podcast a listen, which explores all the positives of solitude and how to find joy in spending time alone.
Until next time!
Alexis 💕
www.alexisforsyth.com
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