I loved the Care Bears when I was little. It was my favourite cartoon. I got a Secret Bear soft toy on my third birthday and he still sits next to my bed back home with a little padlock on his squishy amber tummy.
In case you’re unfamiliar with this 80s TV classic - each bear has a different symbol on its tummy representing its personality, everything from a four-leaf clover and the moon to a rain cloud and slice of cake. When all the bears come together to create the Care Bear Stare, they emit beams of light and shower the story’s villain in cheer and joy.
After a confrontation with a friend at the weekend (where I accused him of not caring enough about me) I’ve been thinking a lot about the act of caring, because, unlike the Care Bears, we can’t radiate rainbow-bright rays of love and happiness. It’s more complex than that in the real world.
How would you define caring?
Would you say it’s spending time with someone face to face? Messaging them? A quick phone call? A hug? Gifts such as their favourite chocolate bar? Remembering little details? Acknowledging important dates and events? Supporting their work and personal ventures? Offering advice? Sharing things you’ve stumbled upon, like a meme, photo or article, that will mean something to that person?
Maybe it’s more rudimentary than that.
Is caring simply being there for someone, no questions asked with nothing expected in return?
I think when someone genuinely cares - however they choose to show that - the investment must come from them. They shouldn’t require a prompt. Or in my case, a text message listing disappointment after disappointment, like my aforementioned friend forgetting my birthday a few weeks ago.
I care about caring.
I’m a classic Cancerian, so I’m a sensitive, emotional soul. I’m guided by my heart and get easily hurt if I feel like I’m being taken for granted or if a person doesn’t appear to care as much as I do. Caring, for me, is a basic requirement in any platonic or romantic relationship.
I expect people to show they care, in their own way, and step up when it matters. That means when I’m at my absolute lowest and convinced that nobody is bothered about me, rightly or wrongly, I will bank on my friends spotting the signs and instinctively reaching out. And I try to do the same with them.
Of course, caring isn’t just about showing up during times of need. It happens organically through the good and the bad. It’s something you choose - and want - to do, and you always find time for it. It’s what long-lasting friendships and relationships are founded on.
What this friend has made me realise though, is that it’s not enough to say you care. You have to show it through your behaviour. It’s the little gestures and unexpected actions that count, no matter how busy life gets.
If you have to plead with someone for proof or ask up front if they genuinely care about you and your feelings - it’s obvious that, in fact, they don’t. You simply don’t mean enough to them.
I’m ending my post with this Care Bears song (I still know all the lyrics!) as it’s super heartwarming. We could all use a little star buddy in our lives from time to time too, don’t you think? ⭐
No mixtape this week as nothing amazing caught my eye... Catch you next time!
Alexis
www.alexisforsyth.com
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Couldn’t agree more on the need for showing there is caring rather than just the words. Having not long been out of a 15 year relationship with exactly this issue, it is something that I will 100% be looking for in the future and no relationship will go any further without it!