I’m not a numbers girl, but I did a little calculation today. Out of the 1584 hours that have passed since January 1st, I’ve only been in the company of another real person for a grand total of…10 hours. That’s less than 1% of the year so far. Once you also deduct working, sleeping, and eating, that still leaves quite a lot of time to a) think, b) procrastinate, and c) indulge in films and box sets.
And I’ve found myself getting a little lost in the latter. To be more precise, I find myself over-analysing on-screen kisses. Usually ones that involve Noah Centineo, Ryan Gosling, or Mr Efron (as you all well know…).
I tend to rate how good or bad the kiss looks. I’ll examine all the nuances of the moment, like where does the guy place his hands? Does he brush the girl’s hair away from her face? Do they gaze into each other’s eyes beforehand? Which way do their heads tilt? Is it a picture-perfect setting, maybe with a flurry of snowflakes or perhaps even fairy lights in the background? And of course, I’ll wonder if the guy and girl finally locking lips 90 minutes after their initial ‘meet cute’ was worth the wait.
Then I’ll ask myself: can I remember how to kiss like that? Is it even possible to forget how to kiss, considering no two kisses are ever identical, even when they’re with the same person?
As we approach the first anniversary of #Lockdown1, it occurred to me that I haven’t kissed a guy in a long time thanks to the pandemic. Probably the longest I’ve gone kiss-free in my adult life.
Whether it’s kissing someone you really like. Kissing someone your tequila is attracted to. Kissing a friend. Kissing a colleague. Kissing a stranger on holiday. Kissing someone who’s already taken. Kissing to make someone else jealous. Kissing to simply feel desired…kissing comes in many different guises.
And when you’re single, every kiss is a big deal.
I mean, is there anything more exciting than imagining what it would be like to kiss that certain someone you have a crush on, and then finally getting to kiss them in real life?
Of course, reality has a habit of disappointing. A bad kiss is most definitely a dealbreaker, in my opinion. There’s no going back. Maybe you weren't quite in sync. Maybe your tongues had different agendas. Maybe you just didn’t feel anything when your lips touched.
It reminds me of how unremarkable my very first kiss was. I can’t even bear to tell you anything about it. I remember thinking afterwards, is that it? My favourite 90s rom-coms, like She’s All That and 10 Things I Hate About You, had clearly lied to me.
My second kiss though was with a boy I really, really liked. And it just happened so perfectly, with no awkwardness. I like to pretend he was my first proper kiss, and that the other one was just a trial run and didn’t really count.
I think kissing is very intuitive though.
If you’re unsure about how you feel about someone - a kiss will provide the answer. You’ll know straightaway if it’s friend zone material, or if there’s actually any chemistry there. You can also instantly tell if someone is just going through the motions, and if there’s an absence of any real emotion or connection.
But when you share that kiss. You know, the one that gives you crazy butterflies. Nothing quite compares to how it makes you feel.
It’s addictive.
At the start, at least.
Before long, kisses become as routine as picking up the mail from your doormat every morning. It never sustains the dizzying and intoxicating heights from when you first started dating someone.
So here I am, now 37, and feeling almost like a teenager. A bit nervous and just eager for it to hurry up and happen. Again.
If first kisses weren’t awkward enough before, I can only imagine what they’ll be like in a post-pandemic, social distanced, mask-wearing world. Along with my apparent inability to hold a proper conversation these days, the thought of being less than a metre away from a guy feels completely unnatural. So don’t even get me started on kissing. I fully expect to get the giggles as a coping mechanism during such an awkward moment. Good luck to the guy who has to deal with that.
So, while I await my first post-lockdown kiss, I guess I’ll just have to do my research by watching even more films, stalk my crushes on Insta, and go all-out retro by playing Sixpence None the Richer on loop.
Like I ever stopped… 😘
March 8 mixtape
Book of the week
Irish TV presenter Laura Whitmore published her new book No One Will Change Your Life Except for You last week. There’s chapters on everything from heartbreak and expectations to optimism and insecurities, with a ‘reflection’ and ‘affirmation’ at the end of each, to help Laura’s messages really sink in. As my tweet below says - this is exactly the kinda book I need right now, and I’m really enjoying it so far.
TV series of the week
I’ve almost finished watching the third series of The Bold Type on Netflix. It centres on a trio of 20-somethings who work for a magazine in New York, and apparently it’s inspired by the life and career of a former Cosmo editor. I love how it tackles lots of topical issues head on, as well as social norms around how we use apps like Instagram in our day-to-day lives. Oh, and who doesn’t love a little bit of NYC on their screen?!
Mention of the week
I just want to say thank you to everyone that has liked, shared, or commented on my newsletter since it first launched last summer. I’m still finding my voice and sussing out what I like to write - and what you lot like to read! - and hope to keep evolving my content in the coming months. This time, I’d like to thank the Anti-Burnout Club for featuring The Monday Oops in their recent self-help article, ‘Surround Yourself with Positivity – Over 130 Resources’ brimming with so many great ideas - so go have a read!
See you in two weeks
Alexis 💕
www.alexisforsyth.com
Catch up on my recent issues…
5 years single - here’s what I’ve learnt