Firstly, I must apologise for my brief hiatus last week. I’d love to say there was an elaborate excuse for missing my newsletter, but the truth is, I found myself staring at my MacBook, unable to find the words. Any words for that matter.
Without the opportunity to people watch, overhear snippets of conversations, and chat with my mates - all the stuff that, for me, spark ideas and power up my curiosity - inspo has definitely been sparse throughout lockdown.
Instead, my days seem to be filled with lots of mundane tasks.
Take Saturday night, for example. I was looking for thermal leggings and none of the product images would display on my laptop because my web browser was so out of date. I’d been unable to update to Apple’s Catalina operating system for more than a year, as I didn’t have enough space available for the installation. And to be perfectly frank, I never had the desire to sort it out.
So, finally, I spent a good few hours (until 3am to be precise) trawling through old files, clearing out my iTunes library, and the biggie - deleting old photos. I had more than 12,000 images on my laptop, taking up more than 42GB of disk space. Yikes.
As a lifestyle blogger sharing content on all things Newcastle-related, I take a LOT of photos. Everything from food and bar interiors to local landmarks (I’m looking at you, Tyne Bridge!) and snaps from launch events. For every picture I’ve taken and shared online - multiple versions exist elsewhere featuring different angles, compositions, and filters. This quickly tallies up.
It was weirdly satisfying to hit delete on literally thousands of redundant photos. I mean, how many cocktail pics does a girl like me really need to keep, once they’ve prettified my blog or Insta grid?!
I have to admit though, I couldn’t part with all my photos.
A big chunk chronicled days out, special occasions and holidays from my last relationship. And it got me thinking about how I haven’t actually deleted photos of my ex from my Instagram or Facebook profiles either.
Memories featuring him still pop up daily on these apps, including old status updates, tagged photos, and comments - and admittedly, when the breakup was raw this wasn’t the kind of content I wanted to see, as it was too painful to pore over all these moments, digitally etched on my screen.
So why have I kept my old photos?
I’m a hoarder by nature. I mean, I have bags filled with bags in my spare room! I like to keep everything ‘just in case’ and I’m sentimental when it comes to objects. I find comfort in them.
But the truth is, I don’t want to delete all my photos and effectively ‘erase’ 8 years of my life from my social profiles. Removing a picture doesn’t change the fact it happened.
I’m at the point now where I can look at an old photo of my ex, whether it was a couple selfie from the top of Mount Srđ in Dubrovnik, hugging our wine glasses in a Tuscan vineyard, or just simply standing next to our newly decorated Christmas tree in our pyjamas, and appreciate it for what it once was - a happy moment that I wanted to treasure and keep.
I feel quite sad when people decide to ‘delete’ you from their life and bury those memories, pretending they never happened.
Photos are far too disposable these days.
But I do understand how it can help you to deal with your emotions and move on from the pain of heartbreak. By removing something from your social media, you’re symbolically freeing yourself from it and making a statement in a very public way.
For me though, I want to cherish those moments. Of course, they’ll always be tinged with sadness, knowing that ultimately our relationship didn’t last, but I don’t want to forget all the good times we shared - because there were lots of them!
Keeping my old photos is almost like tipping my hat fondly in acknowledgement and saying, ‘yep, I was with this person and we did all these wonderful things together’. These pictures are a celebration of my experiences, my travels, and my journey through life.
We wouldn’t read a novel if a few chapters were torn out the book, so why would we want to remove pages from our own story?
When I look back on my life, I want to see all the people that played a starring role - and that means keeping each and every photo I’ve captured of our time together along the way.
November 17 - 23 mixtape
Podcast of the week
I recently discovered Saturn Returns - a wellbeing-come-astrology podcast from former Made in Chelsea-er, Caggie Dunlop. She explores the opportunities and challenges associated with change in our lives, aka when our ‘Saturn returns’ in our late 20s and early 30s. In recent episodes, she’s delved into topics such as ‘owning it’ by choosing to be single, and identity and purpose with fellow MIC star, Jamie Laing.
Shop of the week
I thought I’d give a little shout out to Leaf Envy, the online shop I bought my new houseplant from last week, which has added a burst of greenery to my home office space. My snake plant came beautifully wrapped in brown paper and string, with a dinky care card on how to look after it (and trust me, I need all the help I can get!). Plus, their Insta is a dream, with lots of lush styling ideas and tips.
Until next Monday
Alexis 💕
www.alexisforsyth.com
Catch up on my recent issues…
Sleeping beauty? Only in my dreams
Featured pic by Serena Yun on Unsplash