My dating app profiles are back in action, again.
I’ve carefully curated my new profile photos, with my cute ‘here I am with my woolly hat in the outdoors’ pics perfectly complementing my ‘this is how I’d look as your plus one at a wedding’ snaps. And then a brief summary of my interests: food, city breaks, F1, theatre, music, and writing.
As I’ve alluded to before, it feels like a merry-go-round at times. And, almost five years to the day since I first downloaded Tinder and Bumble (gosh, that’s quite a milestone…) the excitement and optimism that I might actually meet that special someone through one of these apps has definitely waned.
This ride ain’t much fun anymore.
I recently joked with my friends about feeling like I’m trapped inside my own version of Made in Chelsea, dealing with ongoing fall-outs, mixed signals, and anguish - all thanks to guys and their ambiguous and misleading behaviour. I go round in circles with the same characters, stuck and unable to move on to the next episode.
So, I decided it was about time I met someone new. I downloaded those little red and yellow squares back onto my iPhone again and quietly prepared myself for more drama and heartache.
Surprisingly though, my re-introduction to the world of dating was a promising one.
I was chatting to a guy for a few weeks after matching with him on Bumble. Attractive, smart, interesting, just the right amount of sarcasm, similar interests and life goals - yep, he was my perfect match. On paper, at least. We swapped numbers and I couldn’t wait to meet him in real life. I had all the good vibes.
But, alas, the conversation is no more. Two weeks on from my last message, and he still hasn’t read or replied to it. I mean, is there anything worse than two greyed-out tick symbols staring back at you, especially when you can see the guy’s ‘online’ status flash up on your screen?
So yeah, I was ghosted out of nowhere.
Sometimes, conversations that take place on dating apps are a comforting distraction. Especially when you’re sitting at home by yourself, refreshing your Instagram, Facebook and Twitter apps on rotation, and glancing at your television in between. It’s attention on demand and there’s no desire to message again in the days that follow. The chat has served its purpose and you sort of ghost each other, mutually, with no bruised feelings on either side.
But when I swap numbers with a guy (and I’m extremely selective with who I give my number to) and transition over to WhatApp - that’s different. Because what I’m really saying is, I’m definitely interested, I’m invested, and I want to get to know you more. Oh, and you seem ‘normal’ and I’m happy for you to have my private number.
In this particular situation, I take ghosting much more personally. I’m left wondering if I’ve said something wrong, messaged too frequently, sounded boring, or perhaps not shown enough of my personality, which is always a challenge until you meet face to face. Before I know it, the whole ‘what’s wrong with me?’ mindset kicks in.
Disappointment and self-doubt - created by someone I’ve never even met.
Why do random people - strangers, essentially - possess such unwavering power over our feelings and perception of self-worth? It’s ludicrous. The only opinions that count belong to the people who actually know and understand us in real life. And ultimately, it’s our personal opinion of ourselves that matters most.
Yet, I can’t help but feel a smidgen of hope.
Maybe it’s the sparkly onset of the festive season and all those darn Christmas movies with their feel-good romantic storylines. Or maybe it’s the allure of 2022 fast approaching and the promise of new opportunities and unexpected acquaintances. Either way, all I keep thinking is, it takes just one amazing match and things could change from that moment on.
So, here I go again. Swipe, chat, hopefully meet - and no need to repeat.
November 8 mixtape
Book
A Single Revolution, by author and podcaster Shani Silver, is my latest book buy. As the title suggests, it’s all about singlehood and re-framing how you think about the single experience. I’m only 14 pages in, but with chapters like Paying for Maybes, It’s Not Your Job, and Window-Shoppers still to come, I can’t wait to properly dive in!
Article
This one from Stylist Magazine seems apt right now - Dating: how to navigate the pressure of ‘cuffing season’ as a single woman and I was close to writing an entire newsletter dedicated to my thoughts on this topic. To sum up my current stance: yes, loved-up couples are everywhere during the festive season and it can make me feel lonely at times, but I’d still prefer to wait for someone special. A guy is for spring and summer too, not just for Christmas. 🎁
Quote
This week’s quote comes from my favourite dating guru Matthew Hussey. I thought it was a really eloquent way to talk about our relationships, hobbies and experiences in life.
Until next time!
Alexis 💕
www.alexisforsyth.com
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