Did you miss me?
It’s been a while since I last published one of these newsletters. That’s because most weekends I’ve been out socialising with my friends. Or I’ve been absorbed in other activities. Or felt unenthused about opening my laptop. Or lacked inspiration to write anything of substance. And my poor newsletter zig-zagged all the way down to the bottom of my to-do list.
At last, I’m back, and I’m finally rekindling my love for The Monday Oops; my lockdown baby.
I can’t believe it’s June already. This is when I usually reflect on how the year is going and scribble down what I hope to achieve over the next six months. It’s the chance for a summer reset, a bit like the aftermath of a sunshine-infused NYE party with a frothy Pina Colada upon the stroke of midnight.
June is also a significant month for another reason: it’s when I celebrate my singleversary. And yes, dear reader, that’s actually a thing.
As we all know, many couples celebrate their annual anniversary, whether it’s to mark their first date, when they became Facebook-official or when they tied the knot, with their gushing posts chalking up a tonne of heart-shaped likes all over social media.
But here’s a question for you: why shouldn’t I celebrate my single status, too?
And why isn’t it a normal thing to be like: “Hey, Alexis, that’s great you’ve spent another year as an independent woman, wholly responsible for every aspect of your life, and managing the cost of living crisis entirely on your own salary. Let’s go grab a drink to mark the occasion!”
The answer is far too complex for me to unpick here.
A lot of it comes down to societal norms, as we’re expected to settle down and find our Disney prince (or princess) one day. Pop culture tells us that it’s a ‘when’ rather than an ‘if’ when it comes to meeting ‘the one’. And, god forbid, if you're not in a relationship by your 30s then you’re clearly running out of time / missing out / have something wrong with you / need to stop being so picky / need to put yourself out there more [delete as appropriate].
The foundations of our society support and prioritise couples and families. Just look at the language used by the media and politicians day-to-day and how, pre-bubble, single households were completely forgotten about at the start of the pandemic…but that’s a whole other discussion!
It’s therefore no surprise that the concept of a singleversary isn’t more widespread, as us single folk simply aren’t celebrated in that way. Instead, people pry into our dating lives and look at us with pity, as it seems unfathomable to them that we could actually be happy and fulfilled on our own.
So, for whatever reason, when we don’t conform to those expectations of coupling up, I think all the cool and unique achievements that matter to us singletons should be acknowledged with just as much gusto as all the milestones we regularly celebrate, like engagements, weddings, and babies - all the stuff that revolves around plus ones and little ones.
Talking about achievements, I have a confession to make.
I deleted all my dating profiles back in January and it was THE best decision I could have made, as it was such a drain on my time and self-confidence. Since then, I haven’t been on any dates whatsoever. But you know what? I don’t care, as I finally feel content.
I was tired of putting my life on hold for someone I might never actually meet and with my 39th birthday creeping up, I realised that I needed to stop waiting and wishing for things to happen to me.
That’s why over the last six months I’ve been making things happen for myself. I’ve focused on my friends and my social life (just ask my Instagram stories!) and have been doing everything from learning Italian to working on a new podcast. I also have a bucketlist-worthy trip planned in the coming months. For me, these are small but significant personal triumphs that I’m extremely proud of and excited about.
And so, this week (on 15th to be precise, in case you want to send me any warm wishes!) I’m toasting my six-year singleversary and reflecting on all the amazing things I’ve done on my own, the people I’ve met, the places I’ve been to, my accomplishments so far, the challenges I’ve overcome, and what I’ve yet to see and do.
How ever long it lasts, a solo life is a wonderful experience and I want, and deserve, to celebrate doing it pretty darn well!